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read between the lines
a different CNY today was a first-day cny with mixed feelings...but i guess it's fun.....cos usually all other years tend to follow a pattern. this cny i got blown off by someone (i'm not saying who), n i also had to say goodbye to yet another amigo aka. buddy of mine who is going off (again) to oz for further studies. sigh.....everyone's leaving these days! i jus had another fren of mine who left like 2 wks ago....n another one is leaving this sat! n another one's going in march.....n so on n so forth.....sighzers.....it looks like i'm the only idiot left behind, still staying here n roughing it out with my parents. everyone else was so clever....all ran away to uk, oz, kl to have a life of their own (aka independent n parent-free). ok. i shall stop talking bad bout my parents. i said i was gonna try to "tahankan" them n i'm sticking to it.my parents aren't my main point anyway....but, yeah. sigh. god, if you want me to lose my life n all that i love on this earth, i will. i jus feel a bit miserable, that's all. it's exodus time again n i dun like saying goodbye to my frens (again). but god has his ways n we'll all move on with our lives n make new frens....but sometimes it sucks changing frens...esp since u've gotten so used to them. sometimes i relly do wonder.....will we still keep in touch when we've all grown up n have lives of our own? i can imagine that some of my frens wil be spread round the globe.....n those are the ones i'm esp thinking of in regards to my question: will we still be in contact? but other than those unusual incidents, cny was the same again for me at my grandparents' hse. we had reunion dinner yesterday.....same old, same old. there was one unusual thing though. my kong kong actually smiled when i greeted him yesterday. today not so, it was colored with an expression of pain. but yesterday, yeah, that was a good thing.....cos he hasn't been smiling much since he got that stroke 5 yrs ago.....it left him unable to move on his right side n destined him to live a life in bed all day....relly sucks. i can totally understand when he used to say "i want to die" before he accepted christ (he got saved last year, praise the Lord)....cos i mean, seriously speaking, if i was paralysed n stuck lying on some stupid bed all day n nite, with nothing to kill my boredom but my own thoughts and the smell of my urine (he stank today when i said goodbye to him, sometimes he doesnt but tonite he did)......i think i'd want to die too. nothing to look forward to....n all the numerous plants n fish he used to take care of are all dead becos he wasn't able to take care of them after the stroke.....it's very sad. ok, so life now is better with jesus around in his life, but i dunno if he (kong kong) still is staying strong or not.....cos he hasn't been able to hear more about the god who saved him since a few mths after he last accepted christ. long story of what happened......n i feel relly frustrated when i see the influence of the devil so much in that place. i'd at least want him to know more about where he's going before he actually goes.....but everytime i say that it sounds really self-centered....cos of the "I want" n not what God wants. but other than that, i've been relly bad at managing my life in terms of doing things. i was supposed to do my work today but...somehow i either fell asleep or was stuck at my grandparents' hse....n now it's too late to do it anyway. i've been at it again....procrastinating. this is bad. my sch work n stuff....needs to be done. n i need to plan for future projects. btw yesterday i was so exhausted from having only 2 hrs of sleep the nite before n then having to go to sch n other places to do so many things outside of home (including the reunion dinner) that the minute i got home, which was bout 11pm plus, i jus plonked myself on the bed n slept. i cudn't even wake up to bathe.....n my mom, thankfully, had the sense to stop nagging me to go n take my bath. yeah, so i didn't bathe yesterday. hahaha. but it's not like i stank today. n i had a full 12 hrs of sleep.....but i was still a lil sleepy. n i slept again later this evening when i was supposed to be doing work.....so i got nothing done, which is definitely bad. btw i had a visit to my fren's hse for lunch today.....was pretty glad not to have to go to my grandparents' hse n at least do sth else less boring n go somewhere less sad for a change. tomoro i'm planning to do my work.....i hope. but i've got a date with constantine tomoro...yeah, cos keanu reeves is a hot man in my opinion, hehe....n i'm prob gonna have a long chat with my cousin from kl who's going with me tmr...so i dun relly know if i'll have the discipline to sit down n do my work after that. i'm so lazy. *snaps fingers* wake up, jess, wake up! we'll see. |
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