Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

LINKS THAT NO LONGER INTEREST ME
!HERO [the gospel in rock]
parousia
jon foreman
switchfoot
duran duran
kevinmax
the O.C.
jason LO

I WROTE THIS
pseudo-memoir


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read between the lines

Monday, July 04, 2005

pain part 2

very introspective. very thoughful. very broken.

can probably put that in my friendster profile. wry laugh. i've no more tears to cry now. feeling haggard.

i've got a paper to compile and pass over to my friend to complete tomoro and i'm not done yet. what a nite to be wretched.

father, forgive me. i feel so sinful for falling short of what you want me to be, failing in the same old things. i don't understand, father, i don't understand....or at least i only know enough for it to hurt...my wisdom is short-sighted.

i never thought i'd understand this song (below), but i totally do tonight. this is me, raw and open. i'm not gonna bother to edit it or put on some tatemae because right now i'm just too mentally tired to do that.

as of today, i will be halting all postings here for this week. i think i might blog, but it'll be in the other private one, and much more in the tangible journal. yup, going back to my old ways. i'm gonna extricate myself from the outside world just for this week and go into hiding for one week...and hopefully i'll see what god wants me to see and i'll come out of it stronger. so i think coffee houses will be the norm again, among other places of solitude.

if you want to, pray for me.

Don't Be There
by SWITCHFOOT

Don't be there
'Cause I'm on my way
And I'm already gone
over
And I'm on my way

I can't recall myself
How I went down
Did I get shot or
Shoot myself

I'm down here
And you're way up there
But that doesn't hurt
badly
But it stings right here

And I won't pretend there's nothing there
You be around and I'll be square
Don't be alarmed if I'm not there
You be around and I'll be square

If you're a rose
Then I'm the thorn
That's in your side

And does it hurt
badly
'Cause it burns right here

I can't recall myself
How I went down
Did I get shot or
Shoot myself

I'd like to say hello
I'd like to say I care
I'd like to let you know
That nothing here's the
Same with me
Nothing here's the same

I can't recall myself
How I went down
Did I get shot or
Shoot myself

Don't be around
Don't be there