Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

my fried-up brain

it's 4am and i'm still up....not good, not good. but then again i slept almost all day today. so....shouldn't that make up? i don't know. all i know is i love the freedom and quiet that comes with the night and i wish it would last forever so i never have to wake up to all that crap.

erm, erm....what to blog about now that won't take so long....

can't find anything really. everything i've thought about will take pretty long to type out. except new year resolutions............but i forgot most of them, cos they were really vague this year compared to previous years. i wrote them down in my notebook but i'm too lazy to fish it out...i can only think of one clear one:

LEARN HOW TO DRIVE

yeah, i can't wait to. another one i thought of was to

GET MY OWN PLACE TO STAY

but that's no guarantee, since i still don't know what to do with my life yet. uni, work, uni, work....i don't know. what i do know is i know less about work than i do about uni though...but on the other hand, work is tempting, cos it'll help me achieve the above resolution. if i go to uni it's....uncertain.

i'm still waiting for a clear directive from above to lead me into the right decision. i mean, i trust i'll make the right decision when the time comes (cos i eventually have to make a decision), but until then i kinda want Him to confirm it along the way as well. right now confirmation is...sketchy. i don't want to ask for signs like, 'oh if i see a red lorry today i'll know you want me to go to uni' kind of thing, cos i know that's not how god works.

sure, some people say look at gideon or look at moses, but those two asked for signs to confirm very major decisions in their lives, decisions that would affect god's people, god's kingdom and not just them. my decision, though decidedly big, isn't going to affect multitudes in a great way. at least i don't see it happening now. the face of history is not going to change because of one person deciding to go to work instead of uni.

right now i do have a small plan in mind (haha), but we'll see if that plan is really worth anything or not when the time comes. maybe god put that plan into my head, or maybe it was from me...i'll find out when the fruits of it start to show. right now i can't implement it yet cos the time isn't right...but it will be, soon.