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read between the lines
same old stuff why do themes keep recurring in my life? the same...suffering...themes? testing me over and over again. it is very easy to give up. especially when people keep giving up on me. a new thought of the week was: shouldn't i just give up on myself, since everyone else already has?it is very discouraging. and then i make comparisons. in which i come out at the losing end. it's terrible. and then i blame myself. because i could have done better, should have noticed the subtle signs, might have prevented things from happening...but i didn't. so in the end i say this chant to myself: everywhere i go nobody wants to know where i come from who i am it's like they tell me you are a loser mighty big fat loser useless extra loser actually i just thought of it tonight. me and my dark humour which no one will probably understand. many times i find myself wondering: what the heck am i doing here? am i kidding myself? why did i even come? sometimes the answer comes to mind: i'm doing all this for god. because he'd do the same and because i earnestly want to exemplify him. and thus glorify his name as well as draw others to him, even if...even if it seems to backfire. |
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