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read between the lines
thank god it's friday it's good friday morning already and i'm still up? that's a record. hmm think i shall do some morning reflection (hah fat chance of me doing that as a norm, seeing as i can barely wake up in the morning and when i do, i'm half-asleep).today was the day my closest friend jesus lay down his life for me. what i hate is how this act of love, unlike valentine's day trash, is so gruesome and painful to look at. and the very fact that blood -- the one thing i get so sick just looking at -- was spilt to the maximum this very day, makes it a difficult scenario to relive. yet i keep being reminded of this every time i partake in holy communion, every time i think about living a life that examplifies him, every time i think about how anyone could ever love me or care about what i have to say or what i do. if ever doubts arise about whether i matter, much, to god, this greatest act of sacrifice comes to mind and reminds me that god loves me so much more than i will ever know. to know the unlovable love...that is the paradox in ephesians 3:19, a certain pastor was saying...and yet it is possible by his power. jesus' blood has done many a thing for me, for us, other than the obvious answer of saving us from eternal damnation. his blood protects me from evil, cleanses me from sins past, present and future and heals me from my wounds, both seen and unseen. yes, "by his stripes we are healed". and it is not just physical healing he offers, as i used to think, but also spiritual, emotional and mental healing -- the kind that is much-needed of him right now upon my life. this old heart is tired of carrying around battle scars that keep rupturing when touched. and i cannot wait for the day when he makes these areas new once again. and that he lay down his life so that we might have life...not just eternal life, but zest and energy and reason for living that keeps our hearts beating and our feet staying on this earth, is literally a godsend. he is literally my saviour, who saves me from death, hell, depression, sickness, pain, worthlessness, rejection...the list goes on. "greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." and he did just that for me. me, as i was, no frills, no accomplishments, nothing. me, for who i was, with all my idiosyncrasies, strengths and weaknesses. me of all people. and even though he did this for everyone else, he also did it specifically for me in the sense that he would go searching for me, the lost coin, even though everyone else would've thought me such a trivial and insignificant thing of low value (a mere coin, not even a dollar note) to look for and would've given up long ago. that he would do all this for me, because he loves me as i am and not for what i do, is beyond what the logical mind can grasp. because of him, i owe my life indebtedly and willingly. because of him, i am still alive, have not succumbed to worldly pleasures, can go anywhere without falling prey to unseen forces and know that who i am is not a mistake -- regardless of what society tells me -- from the clothes i wear to the food i eat. praise god for that. yes, praise You, i say boldly, because i am sick and tired of worrying and getting frustrated and depressed -- falling into the devil's trap. |
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