i wish! if that were so then ppl wudn't die at the mercy of extreme terrorists or get killed by drunk drivers. speaking of which, today the great exodus replayed itself at s'pore customs. i sit in the stupid jam for 1 entire hour. i come out, stand at customs...and find the bus a rarity. it's so rare that, the minute people spot a bus, they surge, rush and push their way past the barriers and make a break for the bus. you'd think this was india, where ppl were packed like sardines into their econ class trains. but no, this is civilised singapore, more specifically, malaysians going into singapore. "malaysia, negara yang maju".....oh the irony! goes to show ppl are the same everywhere. even in s'pore, the "strict" city, i've had this stupid worker flick the gold from his nose onto my lap on the mrt...man i so felt like doing the same to him.

but thank god i managed to avoid most of the attacks from these hooligans today because by the time i came the crowd was thinning out. n at least no one shoved a bag up my ass like they've done before. seriously, i don't get these bitches. why do they want to stuff their branded bags up my butt...don't they find that even disgusting at all? ok, enuff with me. all this anger is making me want to say words that are at the tip of my tongue.

so back to doing my work i will go. but one thing i noticed the difference in at meta camp compared to non-meta, is that i found it almost impossible to spontaneously think of swear words in my head during the camp, even if i was in school, compared to when the camp's over. for that short amount of time i was actually free of these spontaneous thoughts....i didn't even have to control them or shut them out of my mind or whatever.

i mean, that's the way i see it....if something doesn't get done. from past experience, leftover groups aren't exactly ppl who hand in their work on time. and not handing in work on time means 10% deduction per day...and scarily, the advertising module lecturer has demanded that work even one minute late will get an immediate zero...not a safe thought indeed. the first thing that came to my mind is....i gotta pray really hard, man. i really don't wanna retake any modules and graduate six months later or something like that....my parents would kill me cos my scholarship runs out at the appointed time i'm supposed to graduate....and as you can see, ppl who get scholarships definitely don't come from rich families.

as for my wallet, it got stolen from my bag on tuesday over lunch at canteen one in school....i suspect it was the gang of chinese guys at the table next to me cos when i came back from the restroom they started to leave really quickly...and i didn't even realise my wallet was missing until 1 hr later. i got worried. i was thinking, great. the one time i decide to stay over in singapore and not come back for one whole week and all my week's worth of money has to go missing. i'm broke in a foreign place and i can't go back home to get more money. my parents are going to murder me.

later security found the wallet at the bus stop, money empty. they even took my ringgit....sheesh. money was the issue, since i didn't keep cards inside my wallet. why? cos i don't usually carry wallets to singapore unless i'm going for a camp. and this is the thing that i was relly surprised at and i think mite have got to do with the peace i felt while worshipping in the morning: never did i think of one single bad word the whole time i lost the wallet. amazing for me, cos usually when a crisis happens, i go like *toooooot*. i don't say it out loud, but it's in my head. i'm glad i didn't this time.

thursday was different tho. i lost it again, this time at the foodcourt at nus (the campsite) where i was having breakfast before pushing off to school for classes....and i didn't realise i lost it until class ended at lunch time. i freaked. it wasn't in class, so i knew it had to be in nus. i panicked and (this is so wrong of me to break the record) but i allowed one swear word to pop up twice in my mind. immediately after that i felt guilty n tried to stop myself. i rushed back to nus, thank god i had a relatively big lunch break, n asked security n lost n found if they found anything. no, they didn't.

i went to 3 different centres...all found nothing. i gave up. i felt like crying but i didn't...so i felt depressed. i was in half-shock and half-dread...dread of how my parents were going to react when they found out. the first time, they came all the way from jb jus to pass me money cos they didn't feel good leaving me to "fend for myself" by borrowing from frens. yeah, they're overprotective. i hate that. anyway this time i was dreading telling them. i was trying to hold it off as long as i could.

in desperation i went back to the place i had my breakfast, hoping to ask the stall auntie if she saw it. as i reached there someone tapped me on the shoulder n asked me if i lost my wallet. it was the cleaner manager. he had found it on the chair where i put my bag n had kept the wallet, money intact, in the locker room the whole time...n he didn't notify security which is why they reported finding nothing. wah lau, rite at that moment i was grinning from ear to ear like revival jus shot thru me!

thank god the second time it got found. now my parents never have to noe...hehe. btw, i felt pretty guilty the way i reacted in this situation. it was less calmer than the first time i lost it, my face went a little pale n my expression was a scared and worried one (at least that's what the lady at one of the security centres told me). my trust in god was less....it was there but to a much smaller degree.

[sidenote: my face tends to get pale in major crisis situations...as early back as standard 6 i can remember my frens telling me i looked so pale on the day i took the english quiz in front of the whole school n my teachers saying the same thing at certain tough exams.]

but i must say what a week it's been and, as with the first meta camp (this is the second one; the first one was during my attachment), it's been absolutely great to come back to a home so near from school (or work, for the first one) and not have to travel so the long boring draggy road all the way home. i really really like it....sigh...that's one of the things i'll miss....n this time since school's not so strict as work, for the big lunch breaks i came back to nus to have lunch with my frens...n catch up on sleep, on a proper bed. another thing i'll miss is also the air of mass worship n coming to God, all those talks n worship sessions in the midst of many fellow believers...i always feel stronger when the numbers are great. (there's strength in numbers). n the morning worship thing i mentioned....sigh i wish i cud do that every single school day cos i'm pretty sure it wud help me get along with the day much easier. but with that said, i am thinking of having personal worship with god before school starts each day....the only problem is that i'm too tired to wake up earlier. i actually shut off my alarm sometimes without recalling ever doing so.

and i guess one of the fun things about this camp is....the people that you wanna see are all there. compared to the whole of singapore or the whole of malaysia (even worse cos it's bigger), the possibility of you being able to locate your friends is much higher in a place restricted enough to find them. i mean, that's nearly all we crave, rite? shelter, security, god, friendship...

oh well. the true test is now, now that camp's over. now that the temporary blanket of protection is gone. i pray i'll be faithful and accountable to God.