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read between the lines
yawn yaaawwwwnn. thank god it's finally break week. well, it's not relly a 2-wk break for me cos i've still got assignments due n 1 or 2 tests, but hey man i'll take this instead of going for classes anytime! esp e early classes....so now at least i dun have to hear my mom screaming down my ear bout me wasting money on taxi fare or stupid lecturers accusing me of lackadaisically strolling into class. argh why did i remember that....i'm so tired. jus finished a project work discussion on msn, my new tool. actually dint finish but i cudnt take it anymore. n i'm so glad today is the end of sch for a while cos my face is beginning to show signs of coming back late to bathe / lack of sleep. besides the horrible eyebags (ok at least now they're not so bad cos they dun feel sore or painful), my complexion has gone back to being more pimply again. prob one of the reasons i think, is bcos i come back real late to bathe anyway, so by that time so much oil has collected on my face....unlike some ppl who, i dunno how by some god-given ability, seem to have enviously, unfairly, absolutely clear white skin n smooth complexion naturally. n i have to be stuck with what looks like little remnants of atomic bombs on my face, topped with new volcanoes every now n then....like now. dunno if my stress adds to it, or the fact that i keep shielding my face with my hand everytime i feel stressed during work. the worst zit rite now has got to be the one in my nose. why has it got to be IN my nose? (well actually it's near e nostril but it's still inside). but ok i guess this isnt as bad as having a zit on ur eyelid......which totally sux cos u cant put anything much on it n it takes months to go away. man oh man i'm so tired....that i am gonna wake up most prob 2 or 3pm tmr. btw my radio test.....i screwed up at e last part. i started off well, but halfway thru sth dint work, n i tried to ask e lecturer but he confused me even more, n that's when i panicked n...i screwed up. thank god my reflex actions were quick enuff to at least save me some marks....but i dint get the A i cud've gotten. ah well. it was relly hard to get over it cos i keep thinking of how i cud've gotten an A but didnt (cos for e practice session e lecturer approved of my work)....but as i sat in e bus in e long jam at customs (it's a public holiday eve, so a mass exodus tonite was expected anyway) i was reminded that nobody's gonna give a shit about what i got for radio in the end. i mean, what, when i'm working permanently next time, like anyone's gonna ask me "hey jess what did u get for ur radio test?"....yeah rite. heck, no one's gonna even ask me what results i got for poly (or uni, if i go). n today's engage bout all leaf n no fruit...i totally agree. i mean, that's the very thing that makes hypocritical christians hypocrites. the booklet was saying that like, if we're compared to trees, we shudnt jus have leaves of external appearance such as worshipping, praying, going to church, etc. n not have fruits of the actual depth of these things, such as a zest for god, a burning desire to want to do whatever god asks of us, a passion for the lost, etc. i mean, in that way i was a hypocrite too in my recent time of suffering. i had the external actions, i did everything (though to a lesser degree), but i cudnt relly feel god's love (cos i was blocking out the cross) n i hadn't had much desire to do what he wanted me to do...aka. i cudnt seem to bear those fruits. in fact i ended up bearing these fruits thru suffering...n how appropriate cos that's exactly what the bible mentions. yawn. so that's what i learnt from engage today. n it's the 2nd last day of fasting.....so i'm realising the urgency n the great need to keep up with this even after the official 12 days are over cos i can see it's been bearing much fruit n it's disciplined me to spend more time with god, to at least set aside more time. n it's aligned my perspectives thru the use of what i was taught in class as "agenda-setting". this simply means the media sets the agenda for that duration of time, so for whoever who's ard at that time n sees/reads/hears the media, it's making them focus on something (the agenda) n it brings to mind / highlights issues or "somethings" which ppl never thot about until now. |
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