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read between the lines
incomplete sans god COMPLETE Here I am, Oh God So I lift my eyes to you Lord Through the storm I will hold on Lord Here I am, Oh God So I lift my eyes to you Lord Through the storm I will hold on Lord I look to You, Lord In your strength will I break through Lord Touch me now, let your love fall down on me I know your love dispels all my fears Through the storm I will hold on Lord And by faith I will walk on Lord Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day And I will be complete in I will be complete in I will be complete in You god, i am broken. restore me. this pot of clay was meant to look better than this. that's the summary of my nite i guess. today was...packed. this whole week was...packed. i've not been getting enuff sleep n i know in my heart the only reason why i'm not sick or having a major breakout of zits (cos i've been sweating so much this wk from walking across causeways n roads) is because His grace is sustaining me. and i will continue to remain faithful....it is an encouragement to me, His grace i mean (n not jus in what i've mentioned). but even if i see not His grace, i will be faithful. it's just...some days i feel like quitting. today i had a packed day. i hated rushing around n trying to please everybody by coming in time for each engagement. i felt like going awol today. i said, god, the sky is so beautiful today....wish i cud fly away. as in i was a bit in my escape mode, which so suits this personality test thingy i took today with one of my groups. i found out i was of a certain personality type, n ppl in this type tend to spend time alone when stressed. i totally agree hands down. why else do you think i wanna fly away / escape? they had other stuff in there....which was eerily accurate, especially the tendencies...they mentioned some tendencies or traits of mine which i've written about here in this blog before. relly freaky. it was like, hey, i'm an open book, would you like to read me? but not exactly lah. some ppl r jus blind to certain things ard them, n sometimes they think they got it rite when they "read" someone, but they're totally wrong. but yeah, i'm not taking the stress too well these days....n i hate lying especially to myself, as in like, to put on this mask and plastic smile n pretend to socialise all day when u relly dun feel like it...cos it leaves u feeling all cheated inside...so i didnt at times. think it must've looked bad on me, but hey god knows my heart. n why bother trying to 'win approval' from society according to what it deems as valid / good? the only one who i'd be pleasing then wud be unreliable, fade-away ppl. n i definitely wanna please something more firm, reliable, steadfast: god. but at the same time i felt that i cud have let myself be used more by god if i didn't let my problems affect my countenance. i'm still perfecting the art of focusing on god n not on self. |
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