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read between the lines
bad news, bad mood i really should stop depending on my circumstances to determine my mood. i haven't felt so angry for a prolonged duration of time in quite a while.woke up today and was dished the first piece of bad news, an addition to the rest i already have lined up behind me. except this time it made me lose my temper (until i caught myself and realised i was acting out of character) instead of hurt me. the beloved stray dog that sleeps in the neighbour across the road's house died last night at the vet's, but because they were closed they only called up today. it would've been more forgivable if she had died of natural causes, but the reason she died was because she succumbed to her injuries: some sadistic dog-hater (there are so many in my neighbourhood, just pick and choose) deliberately concocted acid, threw it on her and caused her fur to burn and cut through her bare flesh, causing lacerations all over her back and one right in the middle of her forehead -- all this in the darkness of night on thursday, a time no one would notice. my parents themselves didn't know, until a few hours later when she came over to our gates the second time in convulsive, jerky movements. she had been in a lot of excruciating pain for a few hours since the first time she came over briefly, but then disappeared (probably fearing that stupid acid murderer would come back). it was late at night, hard to see, plus her fur itself was black in colour, so it took quite awhile for my parents to come out and realise she was seriously injured. by the time she reached the clinic, she was having high fever and in critical condition. the worst part of all of this was, i never got to see her before she died at the vet's. my parents conveniently told me after i returned from s'pore (heck if i'd known, i'd have rushed back) and when i wanted to visit her, kept telling me her condition had been stabilised. and then today now this. she had already been buried in some unmarked grave. i couldn't help it. i blew up. a great injustice was done and the culprit was getting away literally with murder. i was angry that god could allow such a thing to happen, angry that my parents didn't tell me, angry that the neighbour himself doesn't even give a damn about the dog, angry that my parents, though they care, don't care enough to rush animals to the vet and actually waited for our church dog helper to come over and "assess the situation" before deciding that footing veterinary bills was the only option. mostly, i was angry that there was someone getting away scot free, having killed an innocent life simply because his of his really warped perception that dogs are "dirty" animals and should be exterminated. i mean, we've had a few empty threats before by impassioned "religious" people who want to vindicate a dog who has done nothing but prevented robbers (at least once) from getting into the house of a neighbour who doesn't give two shits about her, but no one's actually carried anything out...until now. it took me awhile to understand...that god is a Just god and he will not let this sin go unpunished. and that killer is going to pay for the innocent blood on his hands on judgement day. whether he pays for it in his lifetime or not is not for me to dwell on; rather, i should dwell on the fact that god is a Just god and he can be counted on to do what is right. other bad events of the day were just one-off minor incidents that pissed me off, after i had cooled off. i was held at s'pore customs for over an hour because their system did not update the fact that i had been working there for a few months and they thought i was an illegal trying to get back in. and still did when they were about to "deport" me, so i had to explain myself. again. it was like i had been speaking to deaf ears. thankfully there was no rough treatment, body searching or anything close to that sort. on top of that i had forgotten to bring my all-important handphone, which bore the unit number of the place i was headed to, resulting in pointless searches by running up and down staircases, going to different guard houses and eventually going back to the faraway phone booth to call home and look for something more easy to navigate...like a phone number. i don't know if it's the same for everyone, but i've noticed that being hot, sweaty and lost also gets me in a bad mood. and that was the situation i was in at that moment. thank god for understanding cell group members. i only wish i could thank god too for knowing which church to go to. someday i will, but that's another story. the trip back ended off annoyingly too. true to the way of life here, touts were at the bus terminal i alighted, only this time they were practically blocking the exit door of the bus and poking their dirty, filthy hands at the passengers who passed them through, in addition to their haggling. i don't know why but i felt more irritated only after i somehow managed to insist my way through them with an irritated "tsk" without being touched. which put me in a bad mood in the car and resulted in me shoving my house grille aside too roughly when its ungreased wheels sled the grille back against my shoulder painfully. it was only when i went in to bathe that the sane part of me started asking me what am i doing, being so angry for. well, tomorrow is a new day, a chance to start the day (and mood) on the right foot. |
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