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read between the lines
burning questions i was sitting in service yesterday, closing my eyes to listen to the choir and i felt the subtle undercurrents of the holy spirit -- and then i remembered two months back during a very relevant altar call in which i stepped up (after seeing an opportunity when there was a lull in people coming up to be prayed for), merely said my name, and heard pastor kai (who knows nothing about me) prophesy over me, twice, as if for affirmation: "jessica, the lord says that he loves you; jessica, the lord says that he loves you."so i take back the part about not adult service not being relevant at all this year -- guess it's boring for some sermons and not so boring for others. questions that keep me up: am i a loser if i have an empty schedule almost every working night and spend a great deal of time renting videos to fill up my time, much like jim carrey's character before he became the yes man to everything? do i have a valid reason to feel i am wasting my nights doing nothing when i could be saving the world by helping starving kids or volunteering for some non-profit organisation like a good christian's supposed to do? is there a way to combat the feeling that i'm missing out on life because i don't have regular friends to hang out with (i mean i have hung out with people all this while, but it's usually by accident and not by routine, which makes me expect to hang out with people when nobody will and vice versa)? i realise that these questions only trouble me on a working weekday night in sg and not so much in jb. i mean i have felt the same way before in jb but thank god there are my furry four-legged friends to play with or parents to sleep in the same room with, if only to feel close to human presence and draw some form of comfort from that unspoken connection (and also to sleep in air-conditioned comfort in this recent spell of sweltering heat). feedback anyone?
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