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read between the lines
FINAL DAY of ENGAGE whoa....i can't believe engage has finally come to an end. in a way i feel a little sad, cos in retrospect i learnt a lot during these 12 days of constant focused praying and fasting. not that i hadn't already been doing that prior this. what i mean is, at least with the engage booklet it gave me some sense of direction or theme to pray for and think about each day....n yeah, the blank pages where it said "my thoughts" were practically inviting me to write inside them and fill them up. hahaha....yeaup, jus can't get writing outta my blood. it's like talking, to me. i can write like, forever, if the world permits (if i'm free).but yeah....in reflection i've realised i've been relly edified n filled by spending time with Him, reading His word, meditating on it, praying n fasting, thinking about the day's theme, etc. and i've never felt so fulfilled in a while. it's made me see how important n vital it is to spend time with Him n do acts that connect me to Him. n i wanna continue it. i mean, sure last time i was surviving on daily bread n i was doing those acts like praying already, but not at the intensity and volume as high / as much as this. it's made me realise i need to intensify my time spent around n with God. n another thing i didn't relly do was to think and meditate on a portion of His word which was assigned to that particular day; to actually sit down (usually over a cup of coffee) and really think about how important the topic for that day is what that topic has to do with me. speaking of coffee, i think i've become mildly addicted to coffee over the course of these 12 days of engage. cos the thing is, i come actually for the ambience n the quiet, cosy environment...n where else do u find these types of places at nite but at coffee houses (library doesn't count cos it's too cold to be cosy n it closes early). but of course i can't just sit down n order nothing (or i'll prob be asked to leave) so duh, i ask for coffee. sometimes i have a huge cookie to go with it, but that's only if i think i can afford to splash a bit more money. i usually order a latte, n i require 3 packets of sugar for it to taste sweet enuff to drink. but sometimes the coffee house is a bit too noisy, when they play way-too-loud music (different shifts, different ppl, so different tastes in music i guess). it's distracting when u have simple plan, placebo and good charlotte screaming at you while ur trying to do quiet time, so in those times i leave n try to find a makeshift place. going outside to sit in their chairs doesn't help becos i dunno why, but there's always a smoker there stinking up the whole place. I thought only Malaysia was full of chain smokers. n usually the guy or girl smoking outside is a young Chinese. not even those apeks at the coffee shops i'm so used to seeing in jb. shows that the quality of air in S'pore is deteriorating as well. in fact, i relly relly hate whiffs of smoke so much simply becos i am forced to smell it everyday. yes, you heard it: it's come to a point where there is not one day that I go to Singapore that i don't smell smoke. it's that bad. but it's not jus S'pore that's gassing me out....this smoke is the very thing that greets me, that welcomes my entrance, when i approach the jb customs. the trash bin with the ash tray on top is rite at the side of the door to enter customs, n it's ALWAYS filled with smoke. relly horrible. n sometimes on the bus back in S'pore i smell smoke coming from somebody's clothes. maybe it wud be ok if i jus smelt it and it didn't affect me. but it does. physically. relly. everytime i smell it, it goes up my nostrils n stings my nasal passageway, as if they're saturated with smoke. in simple terms i feel a sort of pain or some kinda feeling i can't properly describe (which doesn't feel good) down my nose n throat whenever i smell smoke. if it's relly bad, my eyes start to water n i start to cough. it's as if i'm the one smoking....hey, no fair! i dun wanna end up like one of those second-hand smoking cases... cos i saw an ad for a show a few mths ago on channel newsasia bout this man in a wheelchair...he said he had lung cancer, even though he "never smoked, never drinked"....n then someone did a voiceover telling us to catch the show to see the effects of second-hand smoking. wow. how did talk about engage end up into talk about how bad nicotine smoke is? btw today was a very dormant day for me. i was hibernating most of the time like some bear in some cold country or sth. as predicted, i did get up at 2pm, ate lunch n then....instead of trying to finish my project which was due 5pm, i felt so sluggish n was more contented to stretch out (as opposed to curl up) n read the newspaper. man, who else who's ard my age finds fun in reading the papers? i'm jus of different taste, i guess. i was reading thursday's weekly pullout section for youths called YouthQuake. i've been reading it since i was standard 6, when it was sold separately n when it had way more pages than it did now (yes, i don't like that --> the "that" refers to the lack of pages). but at least now, content-wise, it's more interesting to read about than when they first switched to pullout form. their regular sections are always something i cannot resist reading: a "Spill It" page, where they post stuff ppl reveal having done in situations that are embarassing, silly, funny, etc. depending on that week's topic, a "Cupid's Arrow" doublespread (as in 2 pages side-by-side) where they get quotes of ppl who experienced the topic for that week, like what happened on their first date or topics like that, n a "Tween Beat" page where they feature the results of a forum (loaded with lotsa quotes, which i like, n not facts) where tweens debate over a topic such as "should lunchboxes be banned?" so yeah, as u can see, i got carried away with reading....n i only got into working mode at 4pm, one hr before deadline. i had to design a complicated 3d model of a clock or watch. n yeah...i encountered problems so i ended up finishing at 5.30, which was half an hr past the deadline. but i hadn't counted on the broadband connection failing me. my modem started blinking, rite when i clicked "send" on my email, n i got so mad n angry cos i knew i was gonna get 5% deducted off my project since i'd end up handing it in too late.....n true enuff, the modem only stopped blinking at 6.15pm....so, sigh, i guess that's another project gone wrong for me. but i'm not particularly worried about that cos that module's only an IS aka. additional module, not a core one. i mean, sure, i wud've liked to get the grades, but....if i don't, i'm not so worked up about it....not as i was over my radio test. n after that i drank the forbidden fruit of Justea's "bubble green tea + apple juice" blend, even though i knew rite from the moment i tasted its gassy content that it was gonna give me hell since i'm gastric-prone anyway n after awhile, i did feel the pangs...but thank god they weren't so bad this time round. so i ate as much as i cud, then hopped into bed before i cud be awake any longer to feel further pain......n slept til 8pm. i was forced up to have dinner..but i didn't eat til 9 cos my family ate out while i wanted to stay home so i had to wait till they brought back my dinner. it's amazing my stomach didn't kill me, cos milo was all i took. n then i bathed, did my Customer Service project.....n now here i am, blogging away. i finished e project at 2.45pm....n wow, now it's nearly 4.30.....better rush to sleep now...... |
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