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read between the lines
parent peeve wahahahahahahey......currently high on adrenaline, going crazy and bored out of my wits. yeah....that's my nick on msn (minus the freaky laughter)....waiting for my mom's washing machine to end its cycle so i can take the dirt tube out and bathe....yeah, bathe at 12 plus!starting to feel a bit high now and i can feel that familiar shot of...adrenaline?...kicking in....(not that i like it). argh how i deal with stress. how life is a container when you can't do what you want. how you hate your parents so much when they've denied you the one thing you've always wanted all your life: freedom from them. but that's not what's making me high.... but i guess it's a 'convenient' distraction away from what the real thorn at my side is. okay, from this point onward what i am going to write is purely a whine-and-gripe and has very little to do with true reasoning whatsoever. call it a release of my thoughts, loads, annoyance. fire through words (though this one's not as extreme as i can get). what really made me wanna throw my hands up in the air and go arghh was when i finally decided to reveal to her where i plan to be going tomorrow. i said i'm going to see a friend off at the airport. and she totally freaked out like i had just said i was going to attend a satanic cult meeting. what?? and hello, the time's not even late....and i have an express bus home after that....and that's still not enough for her?? i am so sick and tired of being banned from doing totally normal, not-breaking-the-rules things that i have seriously been factoring it into my decision post-third year as to what to do. i want my own personal freedom....i want to be able to live life and not stay in your stupid prison because I AM NOT A BABY ANYMORE..... and i look around me and i see peers my age whose parents allow them the freedom to do all these things (go out anytime and anywhere, get a driving license) and more...for goodness sake i'm hitting the the adulthood-age mark and i'm still restricted to rules more appropriate for a tweenager. i'm sick and tired of being treated like i have no life and i hate having to forgive them for giving me a miserable life as their child. i know things could be worse, but i still....detest the fact that they can't let me go, leave me be, let me live my life. there's always going to be this rift between us i feel, until the time that i finally break free of their hold. when i was 12, my parents said i could go out on my own at form 5. when i was in form 5 my parents said i could go out on my own at form 6 or after high school. high school has long come and gone and i am still not able to go out whereever i want, whenever i want. and when i ask them again now, they tell me i will only have this privilege when i am financially independent from them. sometimes i just don't know whether to believe them or not, after all those lies. i don't wanna be 40 and still have to be fricking stuck staying in this stupid humid home of mine. and i really hate it when i see this picture in my mind of myself in my early twenties, schooling in university and still having to put up with these shitty rules from them. might as well work, right? but i know that's just the anger in me talking. i'm sorry but i just can't seem to do it. i don't know how it is that a few (less than i can count on one finger) of my friends are able to just forgive their parents and tolerate these squirmish rules and somehow live with it in peace and harmony. that's just one thing i still can't see. i know god has something to do with changing me. but i still can't see that part of me actually being able to "be okay with it". i just hate being oppressed. okay. the word-bashing ends here. washing machine's finally done. can bathe. (it's 1am!) feel slightly better to have let my aggravations out. these gripings have been a lotta trash so...don't take my word for it. -btw this post has been edited. yeah it was more fiery and more ridiculous than this.- |
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